Feedback Thoughts: Rejection and Self-Doubt

Why rejection hurts so much — and what to do about it - This article mentioned that a recent study showed that the part of our brain that responds to physical pain is the same part of the brain that responds to rejection. This has to do with our ancestors and how rejection from tribes could result in death. This makes so much sense considering how terrible the feeling of rejection is. It makes me realize that those of us who respond to rejection so poorly are not weak--we are just reacting instinctually. The article goes on to advise on ways to deal with rejection. One of my favorite tips is to "have zero tolerance for self-criticism." There really is no point in berating yourself--all it does it make you feel bad about yourself. Instead, we should work to compliment ourselves on what we did right, and learn from what we did wrong. 

Seven Ways to Crush Self-Doubt in Creative Work - One of my favorite tips from this article was to "treat your work like an experiment." If you have the mindset that your work has to be extremely successful and perfect the first time, that's way too much pressure and can set you up for failure. But if you think of your work as an experiment, you know that you can re-do it whenever you want if you mess-up. There is no striving for perfection, and the end result will potentially be better than anything you would've made with feelings of distress and pressure.

One of the most positive feedback experiences I've had was in the myth and folklore course I took last semester. I never felt attacked or rejected, and I constantly felt like I was improving. Everyone who gave me advice was kind about it and never made me feel bad about things I needed to change in my writing. 

The most negative feedback experiences I've had have been the ones where I am just handed a grade without any comments. I have no idea what I need to fix for future writing, so improvement is impossible. Feedback that has helped me grow in other aspects of my life has been the kind that is thoughtful and respectful. If anyone harshly suggests I do something, I am unlikely to change anything. I'm too stubborn to listen to anyone who speaks to me in a condescending way, so their feedback is always useless. Conversely, if a person speaks to me respectfully and kindly, I am much more inclined to listen to them. I do desire to constantly improve, and I take feedback very seriously if someone is kind about it. 

Feedback image from growth mindset memes blog